Gabs Cubic Space

2007-01-12T13:48:00.000Z

Long time no blog.

Found Una Amiga, very happy all of a sudden.

Got a kidney infection, very ill all of a sudden - though recovering now.

Rather shocked to find out that the fuckwit christians have grabbed an address uncomfortably close to this non-religion tollerant corner of the internet:

http://www.cubicspaces.logspot.com/

Try to come here but miss out the "b" and you're in the world of crosses, guilt, bullshit and shit excuses to be be very shit to each other.

2007 - yet another year for fuckhead American Christians to make war on strangers, nothing like a good war to stop people looking at uncomfortable, embarrasing problems at home...

2006-12-23T12:03:00.000Z

Happy Christmas!

(and Happy Birthday to me!)

2006-12-17T12:46:00.000Z

I missed a hike - I woke at five to ten this morning, that rather accurate body clock alarm clock obviously had the ten am thing in mind, rather than the meet at the bus stop at ten am; the weather is wonderful and they're on the downs - oh bugger. spose I'll go shopping for some food instead.

The reason for my sleepiness was the all nighter at Concorde2, after stumbling away from a birthday party at about three I managed to talk my way in to the gig, pint of cider and a long random dancing frenzy - didn't get back here till sixish then I seem to remember drinking some wine and working on the 16mm edit for a while, though I haven't turned on the Mac and checked the state of things yet...

I have a difficult week ahead, practically no money (hence the all important food shopping today...) and I need to get to Lincolnshire on Saturday - Might have to hitch, it would be a vveerryy long hike : )

2006-12-08T15:50:00.000Z

Ah, tis all toss.

The partay was good, I remember nothing too embarrassing (been told a few stories about things I did which I don't remember, but I'll just ignore those) and got to say bye to Laura who's off back to Australia & catch up with Rob who I don't see often. I came in to work the next day which was pretty Zombie-ish but kinda fun - glad the weekends here now.

nihilisticevilboy has a snatchet of my new tune on, its for the 16mm movie we shot a coupla months ago which I'll put up here when its finished.

Back to fun things...

2006-12-05T16:26:00.000Z

Christmas party at Audio tonight, it's either gonna be cool, or hell. Not really sure which. Keris was gonna come with me, things went a little wrong (I've probably moaned about this already...) so now I'm partnerless; like a bad 80's teen movie with no happy ending, just accompanied by the SS team singing their own game...

2006-11-26T08:36:00.000Z

Today is a rambling day, trying to prepare myself for a long trudge across the downs, Tuacca is interfering with my balance and I still have no milk. I'm sure it'll be fun though. Ah, I kinda regret smashing this keyboard so hard on Friday night, the desk is now all bent up and it slips off. Amazing how stupid one becomes when drunk.

Met Hilary's baby yesterday, he's beautiful. Might go see Tam's later on when I've walked off this massive depression; I want to be with it and happy the first time I see her.

2006-11-26T02:16:00.000Z

Hey. Pan's Labyrinth is the best moive I've seen this year.

2006-11-25T15:26:00.000Z

Congratulations Tammie! a beautiful baby girl!

2006-11-23T23:39:00.000Z

One last post for the 23rd of the month at just past 23:23, it's been pleasant tonight and I've had fun, though all in all tiring fun due to emotional women - the worst kind if you're in need of relaxation. Hopefully tomorrow will be less... tiring.

2006-11-23T16:54:00.000Z

Ah, at last - all the livingroom woodwork is painted, it looks good- except now you can see just how yellow and fucked the window frames are, and ditto the double glazing; so I suppose I'd better paint them too...

2006-11-23T11:51:00.000Z

My Holiday has Recovered!

Happiness returns, or at least Paint Fume fuelled Caffeine enriched Amon Tobin driven phoning Beautiful Women I fancy by mistake watching Animated Meat (see Tam's blog) and ordering Big Wool Rugs online secure in the knowledge that my company Bonuses will cover the divorce & general Fried Chilli Cabbage with Spiced Lamb fun seems to have cheered me up... Yay!

SteveyJ was supposed to be down, but a broken arm has held him up, and Nik is apparently locked in his room and not answering the phone (Nik! come down quick, I only have 3.5 days holiday left!) but even on my own in this cold messy flat of mine the Happiness Holds!

and... I'm still sober. cooooolio. unlike Ben, then again Ben should know better.

2006-11-21T07:07:00.000Z

Yesterday turned bad, took a painful while to fill in the divorce papers (not easy filling in the adultery clause, especially in triplicate) then I went and checked the bank only to find I don't have enough cash left in my overused overstrained overdraft to pay the initial court costs. This means I have to wait till I'm closer to payday so I can write a check, thus delaying any "closure" I hoped for this week. I spent the rest of the day & night reading to escape this nightmare - which worked better than expected. Hurrah for pulpy Sci-Fi!

I've just been for a run, haven't been out in weeks so it's good to know I'm still pretty fit. This could of course be down to all the running I vaguely remember doing while drunk - just kidding. It does wonders for you mentally; I feel more relaxed than I have since the start of the holiday. Though it's not warm out & shorts and a tee-shirt have left me rather chilly & in need of a very hot bath.

2006-11-20T09:08:00.000Z

My holiday has got off to a swinging start - it's freezing here, so cold I can pretend I actually got around to booking a week in Prague. I've lost some weight - shivering, and feel nearly ready to get on with the great tasks ahead, forms to fill in, washing to do, paint to buy; Oh the excitement!

Ok, so I'm a sarky bastard.

2006-11-19T10:10:00.000Z

I feel like a genetic anomaly this morning, left out and doomed to die lonely. oh, and overly dramatic. The neighbours have their baby - I occasionally hear it muling and puking, sounds cute. I have... ah, yes, some bad habits, books and bruises.

Actually that's all bollocks - I feel fine, but I *should* feel like that, and I'm sure I will feel like that later but right now everythings bearable. I'm getting ready to go see The Goonies at the Duke of York. Which will be cool. Though it's a kids showing so that might not help my state of mind. mmm. or maybe it will?

*not*

2006-11-17T19:52:00.000Z

soz for the absence - see other blog for the why, meanwhile Ben is being very "Ben" in Asia:

http://bensasiaadventure.blogspot.com/

2006-11-08T17:22:00.000Z

Tired, Gogol Bordello were ace; but not as good as The Dresden Dolls. Last night was Ben's (second) leaving do, good Indian food and nice wine. I need to go on Holiday too... (or "travelling" as he calls it)

I was feeling good this morning but after talking about Divorce with lil'miss shirty earlier I feel drained and down. I need all this to be over but having sarky comments thrown at me by people I respect simply makes me reproachful. Need escape...

2006-11-06T16:11:00.000Z

That was the best weekend this year (so far at least...) Saturday we went to the Climate change demo, a lovely walk through winter sun soaked London and hectic Trafalgar Square frolics. Then to the NFT bar and on to the Tate modern. There was a 3 hour wait to go on the big slide exhibit so we just watched for a while and bumped into my parents who'd been to the David Smith show - which I wanna spend a day at some time before Christmas.

We had good Thai food in Camden and polished off the evening watching The Dresden Dolls at the Roundhouse; definitely the best gig I've been to this year, I still have the stamp proudly preserved on the back of my left hand like a real fan-boy.

Nik came down yesterday making Sunday very pleasant, plus I got to see a few people I don't see often and eat lots of nice food.

And tonight it's Gogol Bordello at The Dome, wicked!

2006-11-04T00:34:00.000Z

That was a strange evening, on the one hand it started as a nice relaxing Friday in a different pub with a few slightly different people building up to band practise; on the other, as it became the usual climax of "pub full of developers shouting" I hovered around the periphery (got bought drinks by Graham to avoid BP, foolish boy : ) then followed the party, bound victim like for Ross's - and kinda gave up; summit to do with Ela, not sure exactly what my dear fragmented head's up to but I ended up getting a taxi home to avoid what was a very promising party. Filled with people I like, some of whom like me and a very select and possibly misguided sub set of whom actually have some kinda attraction in either one way or the other. So I'm back home, shaved, cut my hair, about to bathe and think about why the fuck I'm here. (...and prepare for tomorrow - oooooooOOOOOOOoooooo...)

So here's to last names and some kinda suburban sickness.

Oh, and to friends, past and present.

2006-11-02T09:25:00.000Z

Another day, another day, another day...

Off to the Climate Change demo in London on Saturday, gonna take my Practika and some nice Ilford film... then a meal in Camden... then... The Dresden Dolls! WaHey!

Nice to have something to look forward to, might check out the Tate Modern after the demo, heard good things about the "slides" installation...

2006-10-31T13:36:00.000Z

Dave and I being chased on 16mm:

http://www3.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGIhF5AnPhw

2006-10-31T11:07:00.000Z

...and we have a name:

"Tetchy Bint and The KungFu Kings"

wicked. Though it was just The KungFu Kings last night...

2006-10-31T10:40:00.000Z

Stress at work, always stress at work. I need a holiday.

We had a good band practise last night, just guitars and voice, tried out some electric & fx - it sounded brilliant for the second practise; especially as Ben has never played guitar with anyone else before. Did a rather muddy recording, think we need to be really careful about mushing everything up - and get plenty of whooping and clapping in there : )

...Anything to take our minds off work.

2006-10-28T08:51:00.000+01:00

Autumn. Time to move to Australia me thinks.

Fuck this stupid doomed country & get out while we can.

2006-10-28T08:11:00.000+01:00

...I went for option 2, took my passport into the bank and removed a fairly large lump of cash to pay back a small debt, get me to London this morning & pick up a cine film from N.o.Where Labs. I then split the cash and turned it into what I vaguely remember to be an enjoyable night. I have no bruises, still possess my digital camera, passport, a small quantity of change, my jacket and most of my sanity so it can't be all bad - I do have a nagging feeling that something's wrong. Maybe that feeling was already there. I also remember several people looking at me in shock, I have an idea of what might have been said - but I'm trying not to think about it too hard.

Plus I asked Jen out again, she sorta said yes to dinner a coupla times & I never quite got around to doing anything about it - mostly because of Toby and partially 'cause it would be purely friendly if it happened and I don't think she needs a "friend like me" any more than she already has (that's an odd concept & a long sentence). This time she said no, a much more satisfying answer, and bought me a coupla shots of Tuacca at which point my memory stops.

The only damage bar the beer-cold and fucking passive smokers cough seems to be that my knee hurts. (originally from falling off the bus like a damn drunk git). It was fine yesterday morning so perhaps things did go "squiffy" last night. Connor was out - last time I went out and got that blitzed with him I woke up bruised with a clear and painful impression of his teeth in my upper arm...

2006-10-27T08:02:00.000+01:00

Not Goth! at least for a few days - I went shopping with Jon yesterday, tried Primark (so I could fit in with the scuddy shit for brains masses) but had to leave, it's a truly awful shop. Wandered a bit and ended up in Burton - I now have "normal, casual" clothes.

On the one hand this is good but on the other I saw Tam (not my ex, a different pretty Goth I met a few weeks ago) not twenty minutes after changing into my new attire; she looked disinterestedly in to my eyes then turned and blanked me.

Mmm. Timing.

I also destroyed my bank card, it was doing a good job of self destruction but I felt the need to help it along, so "Hi!" from el skinto pop kid. Maybe this will help me save "top dollar cash cow for building purchase", or on the other hand maybe I'll pop into the bank and aquire a new one so I can "waste wanton yen in den of liquid enrichment, lady company accepted thoughtfully"...

2006-10-24T13:03:00.000+01:00

I must apologise for last nights angry posting, though it was totally meant at the time and this is the obvious forum for my dirty laundry I may have gone a bit far - though I could have gone further.

Its all displacement anyway, once I've actually managed to get a d-i-v-o-r-c-e I should feel much better.

2006-10-23T11:18:00.000+01:00

Went to see Romanzo Criminale yesterday - I can thoroughly recommend it, an excellent movie which makes Departed look like contrived pants.

It's been on my mind since, right through a Sunday night of heavy boozing; I'm going to cheat a bit here, to detract from any embarrassment I may have caused I'll present The Story of Kev instead as told by Jon; The Story of Gabriel involves too much Horlicks and possibly a taxi, plus Tuacca and quite allot of blacked out stumbling round Brighton...

#####################################################

The Story of Kev -as told by Jon

He disappeared straight after the pub. I went round the house checking he hadn't fallen asleep in the airing cupboard or something.

About 15 minutes later the door goes, and he bumbles in with a huge grin, a 'ta-da!' and a carrier bag full of booze and fags.

Then he looks around the room and says, 'How did you manage to get rid of everyone?'

I commented that he'd done well to get himself into such a state for a Sunday night, and he said, 'Well the day's not over yet, baby!"

Went outside, smoked a fag, poured himself a huge glass of red wine.

Then Torchwood started, and he cheered.

#####################################################

He was asleep within 30 seconds.

Spent the night down there, so far as I can figure.

Oh, and he pissed on the neighbours doorstep to 'teach them a lesson'.

Presumably the lesson being, don't move in next to a couple of vitriolic, uptight, alcoholic cunts.

#####################################################

I love my friends. I love them all - the most dangerous pile of fucks I've ever met.

2006-10-20T10:10:00.000+01:00

The filming is done! Dave has taken 100ft of Kodak-Eastman B&W cine film exposed by our good selves (and Moogy boy) off to be developed and tele-cined somewhere (nowhere labs in fact) in north London, I'm dead excited - better than all that boredom.

Watched Ben do a talk on armadillos last night at the Catalyst club, very entertaining, Toby Ames showed a selection of his photos and again was very entertaining and Cheeky Dave Bramwell told us about his last Utopian trip to a commune in a hollowed out mountain in Italy. There was a talk on David Icke at the end which wound me up, but mostly because I'd drunk too much wine. Absynthe followed and was replaced by a prolonged period of blackness...

A thoroughly good evening.

2006-10-19T14:28:00.000+01:00

I'm bored - I have plenty to do, and I'm doing it - but I'm bored. Bored with (nearly) everything. So Bored I just ate a whole pork pie simply because that's what I craved in that one moment of boredom. Now I feel bored and very sick, I still feel the need to eat more Green and Blacks 70% dark chocolate even though I feel nauseated & bloated, perhaps the nausea will blot out the boredom. Or perhaps not.

2006-10-16T20:48:00.000+01:00

Saw Children of Men on Saturday - most excellent, politically fired up with a harsh realism about it which works brilliantly. It was a very filmy weekend, Saturday morning I traipsed across London with Dave Packer to buy 16mm film stock (yum, lovely cine film...) and saw Broken flowers (entertaining but disappointing toward the end) and Departed (on a par with Infernal Affairs, too many American bullshit-isms though).

Now I'm dead tired - took Kat out to dinner again, a nice way to end a trouble filled, shitty day. 'Course I ought to have asked "someone else", but for some reason I keep asking Kat instead. No idea how my head works. No idea at all.

2006-10-13T15:08:00.000+01:00

Went to the Play4 release party last night, it was very pleasant. Good food, great company; generally very enjoyable. Took lots of B&W photos, look like we're in some New York Jazz club in the 60's...

2006-10-11T21:16:00.000+01:00

Argh! I've "lost" a machine head on my steel string & had to back wind it. Darnit. Put on my new acoustic pickup, tis wicked, and nice new strings. Kat's busy disposing of my remaining dope - no drink or drugs for me. She likes the new "flamenco" number, I think it's going to be ace.

Finished Shadow of the Colossus last night, it's excellent but has quite a depressing ending; strangely touching. I now have Ico to play which is a little odd now I know what happens to the characters in the future, and knowing it's not very nice, just like real life.

2006-10-10T10:06:00.000+01:00

Wayhey! I'm well! 3 pints of Fosters shandy last night before going home has put me off drinking - its vile, sickening and left me feeling faint and on the verge of crashing for most of the evening, so no more booze for me! (honest - well, I do have wine; but I really ought to avoid drinking it...)

Made up a list of all the Brighton practise rooms yesterday (excluding Monster as they're a little far out) and the three best picks were:

284 - two rooms under the prom on the sea front, 10m under the road - very cramped, very cheap and pretty cool from my odd perspective.

Strummers - a converted toilet near the Marina, perfect! cheap, and fitting for some cool new musical experimentation.

Scream - lavish, expensive (not by Oxford standards but still more than I'd normally pay to practise) with themed rooms and convenient extras.

Probably go for Scream first just to get things moving and then try the others if we're in need of a little more seediness; which is quite likely. Graham, Ben and I spent lunch wandering around shopping for gadgets, I found an acoustic pickup (transducer) for £17.95 which I may buy tomorrow, Graham failed to find a replacement output jack for his Ibanez, so two mangled wires it remains. Phil (who has voiced drumming vocational merit) and I talked at length last night about interesting percussive setups, attaching pickups and triggers to skins etc. Could be kinda cool with a bit of thought and some jiggery pokery. Lucia joined me on the bus and offered her services on keys but I think we should concentrate on what we have for the moment...

WooHoo! What larks : )

2006-10-07T12:37:00.000+01:00

A rather pleasant (if still ill and aching like an old man) Saturday morning at work, I feel appreciated and rather proud : )

Off to get some lunch in a short while and enjoy the beautiful weather - I have an Ilford B&W film in my Praktica & I'm planning to get some strong contrasty winter sunshine shots, need grain and harshness...

2006-10-06T13:34:00.000+01:00

Ah, another bulletin from the Hell in which I live... in which I'm going to say nothing about anything important to anyone. Cause I can.

Today is a day of stressful work permeated with pain, abdominal and chest, the persistent feeling that I've missed something important and lots of rain. It's quite spectacular looking out over Brighton from the 8th floor with the huge rippling clouds of rain rolling past the window across the city. Plus I've just persuaded Rich to go get me food 'cause I'm too ill to go out in weather like this, yay!

I hardly slept last night but I'm so hyper from the hours of procrastination (1am - 6am) and the illness that I feel nearly... normal. Dosed up on Nurofen which may well be helping.

2006-10-04T08:38:00.000+01:00

Another strange night - this time not so scary, feel I might actually be recovering, though there's definitely something funny going on inside me...

Probably be back at work tomorrow - I hope it's not going to be super stressy or I won't last long - had a nice long procrastination session in the bath earlier about work (deleted... damn politics I was really getting into my stride then.)

This is probably as close as I'll get to the mythological journey of the hunter, it's been every bit as horrid as you'd expect, I feel somewhat different now though. Could be the painkillers.

2006-10-03T17:57:00.000+01:00

Iller - if that's a word; or even if it's not. Yesterday at least I managed to play through half of Shadow of the Colossus, I only managed to crawl off the futon at about five today - can't sleep in my bed as all the coughing seems to have totally screwed my back up. It's like I've had the shit kicked out of me, the whole of my midriff is a big bruised mess. I could live with that if it wasn't for the coughing fits - I've sort of trained myself to swallow lots rather than coughing but occasionally I get caught out and end up on my knees. Don't really want that to happen at work but I may risk it tomorrow anyway. Hopefully I'll be feeling allot better in the morning.

On a slightly more upbeat note after the short (and vocal free due to my throat - well, hoarse & croaky at best...) BP with Kat it looks like she's in - again, so Graham con guitara & Kat sur le bass. I need some techno backing now and we might have quite a nice little band.

And back to horribleness again; in the deepest most hallucinogenic few hours of my painridden night I was thinking about the possible need to call an ambulance (that's not paranoia, I was a total mess) I had a long trawl through the people I could call and for some reason (which I don't understand though it still seems to make some weird kinda sense) 'trope was top of the list - a bit of a shock after the last coupla months events. I suppose the mind works in mysterious (&seriously fucked up) ways. 'course I broke my mobile so I no longer have her number - not to mention it would probably just freak her out.

2006-10-02T09:14:00.000+01:00

Ah, Monday, and I'm off sick - nearly a whole night sitting up in bed coughing, probably driving the neighbours spare. This is the third day my voice has been gone, its quite annoying, plus I had a loada meetings set up today which'll have to be moved. Grrrrr what a pain in the arse.

Gonna go curl up in bed and feel sorry for myself...

2006-10-01T15:10:00.000+01:00

Its been a strange weekend, I've been focused on something which is probably ultimately unobtainable - brushed with it a few times but don't seem to be able to get any further. Danced till 4am on Friday (Saturday...) night with a girl who seemed pretty cool, surrounded by bemused lesbians at the Candy Bar. I lost my voice & it's not come back completely yet. How careless - can't sing anything now. Jammed with Graham last night - think we might try something funky, distorted electro backing with acoustic guitars; bit like Fiji. Call ourselves "The Plagiarists".

I made a slight error in judgement late last night. We went to the Sidewinder to meet some SS compadrés, who we missed - if indeed they even turned up, and at some point I demonstrated the indestructibility of my battered old N-Gage by repeatedly smashing it on the table. This, rather unsurprisingly in the sober light of day, resulted in... reduced functionality. So reduced in fact I might go as far as saying it no longer functions at all. So if anyone out there is waiting for me to call, I won't. However they're welcome to come for lunch at the Hannover this afternoon if they want : )

2006-09-29T11:34:00.000+01:00

Watched V4Vendetta last night, it's very good, very political & 80's yet so poignant and current - plus its well written, acted and shot. I wish I'd seen it at the cinema...

2006-09-26T20:41:00.000+01:00

Wow, just had a - I feel a bit ill saying this, very amusing call from some arsehole phone company - 3mobile I think (though it's always hard to tell) As anyone who reads this shitty blog with any regularity will know I HATE SALES CALLS.

However, on this occasion it was really rather pleasant. Some nice Nordic sounding guy trying his best. In a true Nordic way he tried to ply me with not only the wonders of "new" technology but also the fantastic sexual effect having a video phone of my very own would have on the female population of Europe. This I view with a mild amount of scepticism if only because I think anyone I met who was that shallow would probably be of less than no interest, and possibly worthy of premature... ownership of such a phone themselves.

...& they wouldn't experience the wonders of a video conversation with me anyway, as I don't have one.

The final straw for the poor guy was (after ten minutes of hard sell) when I told him I've written games for mobile phones (briefly I must emphasise, that being the work of The Devil Himself) and that as a consequence of this plus a thorough knowledge of what exactly he was talking about, I really wasn't interested in more than conversation alone.

I got to really rub it in by keeping this up and forcing him to say goodbye (etc) three times before he finally caved in and hung up on me. Ah, satisfaction.

Bored now. If only I had a snazzy phone to play with. I could text *** for free. Ooo. Bugger.

2006-09-26T20:04:00.000+01:00

After a suitably frosty response from Heliotrope Girl, one I'm used to now; though it's still a little painful in one of those as yet under calloused areas of my emotional persona, I have had a strangely nice evening - Listening to Electralane and painting things white (I look like snowman again!) reminiscing about Ivy's Itch and bashing guitar on stage, all my friends back in... oh, yeah, in "the past", it's nice. Nice isn't a good word however, which is, I suppose, quite fitting.

I miss my female friends - back when they were around they tended to be a pain in the arse, but it's good to have the company of both sexes. Down here I only have a handful of women I can talk to, I suppose it's down to the fact I'm single - being happily married made it much easier to get along with, apparently.

I have acquired credit in order to text someone, it would probably be a bad idea to "talk" about it in any clearer fashion than that at least for the moment - but yet again (once a week, comme Romeo) I've become mildly interested in an inaccessible female, this time with such a great situation of impending doom a good friend earlier said "delete that fucking number NOW!" - which I didn't do; after all what would be the fun in that?

Wish me luck, I'll need all I can get...

2006-09-25T13:24:00.000+01:00

Had a great weekend with my Bro, once we'd overcome the usual tentative debates & I'd got him to stop going on about divorce we had loadsa fun, Pipettes on Friday night, Clerks 2 on Saturday followed by a huge night of debauchery including some fun flirting with a coupla really ace ladies and enough tuacca to sink a trawler, Barley Mow lunch on Sunday in the traditional Brightonian way.

I have to recover for a few days before I'll be out boozing again; maybe a little wine at home though. Shame as there's a fun gig tonight, but one must (occasionally) be sensible.

Went running again this morning at 5.45am - so I feel good but a little drained...

2006-09-22T11:31:00.000+01:00

Wanna go to lunch with the SS crew, but have to work. Plus I missed the PSP technical seminar in London to finish a new system which it now turns out probably wont get used - but you never know I suppose. Decided on a career change the other night, way too stressful here, and the feeling that I'm just banging my head against a brick wall to no effect isn't helping. Sure it'll all get better next week; well, I live in hope.

My coolio bro is coming to visit for the weekend so I have some fun to look forward to, the weather is awful though - think my family is cursed, the same happened when my parents visited sudden weather changes and rain...

What I need is a piano to play and a coupla weeks off.

2006-09-19T14:37:00.000+01:00

Better today, think the sun has cheered me up. Sushi in the park with Iain and a generally good day of shenanigans. Plus the realisation that life isn't really that bad, just interesting. Almost exciting in fact. And I know some great people; some of them actually seem to like me too, on occasion. So, all good.

2006-09-18T16:01:00.000+01:00

Fuck, life is depressing today, works still (deleted - not allowed to write that) which probably isn't helping, the outcome of Friday's antics is a big depressing pile of crap but that's not massively surprising; it could have been much worse. Shame though, another song I'll never get to sing : )

Oh well, I'm still alive.

2006-09-17T12:54:00.000+01:00

God I'm a mess this morning, woke up sitting on the sofa, dressed and depressed. Alcohol must've done another sterling job on my fragile frontal lobe. Somehow I ended up in a club with Tammie & Simon (the father of her as yet unborn kid) he's got my hair from last time I saw him - style that is, and it's all very odd. Kat was fun but ultimately my undoing, as per usual. I bought a really battered but functional Praktica from the flea market and spend the night taking long exposures of dodgy goths - and more normal shots using an Alpha Sweet to check the lighting which was fun. Not sure when things fell apart but it was probably a gradual slide, not a good set of people to be rat arsed around.

On another note I was very impressed with Scanner Darkly, even though the sound fucked up and went entirely for a minute or two - made me smile thinking of the anti piracy adverts; sitting in a cinema watching a movie you've paid for and the sound is awful + people keep getting up & walking in front of you to go to the loo, now surely that's less of a problem at home? Ben wants me to go to the pub, I feel this is probably a bad idea, but what the hell, got nothing else to live for at the moment + there's no tea left and the flat is a tip...

2006-09-16T09:04:00.000+01:00

Buck 65 is a Genius.

Saturday:

making a man (out of plaster) and wondering about last night in a dualistic mess of "wow" and "what the fuck" with a big lump of extra "wow". but I suppose that's what happens when you wake up still drunk after saying stuff to someone you thinks cooler than school and they say stuff back, 'course it all has that very me suicidal leap from the highest peak while laughing loudly at nothing but my own drunkenness, but you know, I feel pretty good. in a messed up sorta way. and I get to see Waking Life and Scanner Darkly later, coolio.

yay : )

2006-09-13T09:38:00.000+01:00

Wednesday:

Having left the Western Front (Kemp Town) where all appears quiet, I'm now back in the thick of it, things aren't showing much promise of resolution but I have some cold boiled rice and my foam baseball bat so I'm still in with a chance...

2006-09-12T16:09:00.000+01:00

Tuseday:

Work is Hell, worse than Nam (in my somewhat limited experience) Whatever there is to come had better be worth it...

2006-09-10T19:07:00.000+01:00

Watched some great movies yesterday, Angle-A was the cinema highlight, beautifully shot though a little overly sentimental plotwise. Several others which amused greatly; the real letdown was Hostel which is a bit crap really, very crap in places and not really very shocking. If you wanna watch something gory and shocking watch Wolf Creek, that blows Hostel out of the water in every respect.

Baking bread for tomorrow, I have some Henri la Fontaine Beaujolais, fruity and heavy as neat Ribena. Yum. Tis a good Sunday.

2006-09-05T10:37:00.000+01:00

ARGH! Work is manic...

And not helped by Japanese traslation:

"That is written the importance, is as and now not written that on with the game, being to be said to him, the m of Gabriel which is used for his himself time at the house tweet sleeper sir. The figure goes."

Very poetic, and conveying not the smallest hint of the original meaning.

2006-09-03T20:43:00.000+01:00

What a lovely weekend, the parents were very well behaved and we all had a good time. I took them out for dinner last night, introduced them to Tuacca and managed with some directional hiccups to get them to Devils Dyke this afternoon for a picnic.

After missing the cinema at 11am I decided today should be a day off with the mother & father crew. I was supposed to be in work, but this was a special occasion & I did work a full day yesterday so that's that. I think the next week or so is going to be bedlam so it's probably for the best that I had today as a day of rest & recuperation.

Mother has left me with her usual brand of "good advise": "find yourself a beautiful girl and start a family, that's what you need" - thanks, suppose I might give it a go at some point.

Now I'm busy baking bread for lunch tomorrow and cooking some fish & rice niceness, I've set the alarm for 5am - must go running in the morning!

(that post had an awful "Dear Diary..." feel to it. yuk.)

2006-09-02T13:24:00.000+01:00

Surprise of the year: my parents are visiting, 'course I have to work the weekend so I probably won't see much of them, then again this is the FIRST TIME EVER they've come to stay with me, and the first time in 9 YEARS since they've visited me atall. All in all I'm a bit nervous.

They now both know about Tammie, and are probably busy poking around the flat digging up the piles of love songs which permeate the gaps between bills and cine magazines, written for (maybe "about" is more appropriate) a whole plethora of potential partners; and non-potential partners... or not very potential but alluring non-partners.

The weather is a bit crap which is a shame for them, good for me though as I'm enjoying the cool office atmosphere, bloody hard to work though - keep thinking about Kim's top in the pub last night, the curse of hormonally augmented memory. (and possibly the hangover horn : )

2006-09-01T14:23:00.000+01:00

The most misleading thing in life (not counting things like feelings of invulnerability, longevity and hope) is that look a woman can conjure when she wants something, that promise of something you can't quite put your finger on - but that you really want anyway; a bit like a male wasp before he realises he really *wants* to be eaten alive.

2006-08-31T13:48:00.000+01:00

Melting from over indulgence, I've eaten more steak in the past ten days than I have in total to that point - sure it's not healthy.

Listening to ice melting on Shipwreck Radio and seeping toxins all over my desk...

2006-08-25T12:47:00.000+01:00

Another week gone - must be happy, times going quick. About to leave for an afternoon in London with T at the Petrie Museum, then meet with Andrew of the now repaired leg, Nik and maybe SteveyJ for Zombie Sex fun at:

....interesting.

2006-08-21T07:54:00.000+01:00

Monday, I just woke up (late) from a most excellent dream which ended with the miss-quote "The world's but a game, we are but sprites..."; A lovely way to start the week.

My plans to get up at 5.30am and go running were scuppered by several hours laid in bed with no sign of sleep, the extra hour of pleasant dreaming has made much difference though.

2006-08-20T20:31:00.000+01:00

Just been to see The Notorious Betty Page, most excellent - sexy, sleazy and beautifully presented. Kat wants to make an Eric Stanton strip as live action - she's been talking about it for several years but I think watching Betty Page with her & Tammie along with all the recent plans to start shooting on 16mm may have brought us all to the point where we could actually pull it off, much fun to be had there.

Now I must to bed, there's much tedium to attend to tomorrow, I'll need all my energy...

2006-08-19T22:11:00.000+01:00

ARGH! I forgot Ela's gig, F***ing F***ity F***!

Typical I should remember as it finishes, now I feel dead stupid; this'll be the third time I have to apologise for not turning up when I said I would. I'm sure it went brilliantly & she's probably being all cool & jazzy, wish I'd remembered...

2006-08-19T09:34:00.000+01:00

I have a Hangover. I am aware that this isn't terribly exciting, interesting or stimulating news, but this weekend I'm determined to avoid excitement, cut down on interest and stamp out stimulation. So, a Hangover it is.

On the upbeat, syncopated with the majority of recent events, I've stopped smoking for over a week now and feel better for it already. I have however developed my nasty shot buying habit to a degree I can neither afford monetarily nor sustain physically.

...it is rather fun though & deals with that "I wish I could stop thinking" part of my life with the rapid effectiveness of Rabies without many of the harmful side effects.

2006-08-17T09:43:00.000+01:00

Days off rule - sitting around the house gently easing my way back into full consciousness, contemplating having a doze - and I've only been up for an hour.

Moog introduced me to "the story of O" yesterday - what a very... interesting book, going to have to purchase a copy; it seems somehow off borrowing it from someone else.

"Film lunch" today, gotta get into an extravert/networking frame of mind, not easy sober...

Joyce (producer who I went to film school with) has decided to go into hiding. It's a complicated situation & I'm pretty miffed that it's come to this. She was supposed to be coming to the lunch today but instead she mailed me to say adios - she's a good friend so I hope she'll recover herself and return soon.

More tea vicar?

2006-08-14T14:32:00.000+01:00

Stress at work.

...and that old beaten up hangover feeling. Why do I do it?

Pretty sure I'm not just a complete masochist; in fact I'd say quite the contrary.

Laziness perhaps, or habit. Work and booze.

I seem to have managed to stop smoking again, if I could do the same with the boozing...

Speaking of which I can't wait to get home and get some nice dins and a whole lotta sleep, mmm.

2006-08-11T13:02:00.000+01:00

I feel quite "released" now the anniversary is out of the way, it's a burden lifted. Spent all week trying very hard not to smoke, but gave in last night - I drank too much and my resolve faltered; though I feel ready to quit again, probably due the burden lifting thing...

I have my tailcoat&bowler with me for B-movie tonight, not sure I'm going yet though - it's a long way and I have quite a hangover. It's also "80's night" which is a little worrying, not sure I can handle an 80's Goth night.

Oh well, the end of another shitty week.

2006-08-07T16:21:00.000+01:00

I had a very pleasant time in Oxford - relieved to have missed Pride, I needed a break - Pride down here is definitely *not* a break. Said bye to Sam, she's still being all funny with me but there's not much I can do about it as she has the usual "I'm a girl so you'll have to guess" attitude, and by the weekend she'll be in NZ so that's that. Also caught up with Anna - that was quite interesting, she's talking to me again... mmm...

Work today has been hellish, a difficult situation had to be resolved concerning a colleague; I'm hoping it's resolved or things'll explode soon.

Wednesday is the year anniversary of Tammie leaving & our 9th wedding anniversary, so I've decided to really get the most out of this "difficult time" by giving up smoking (and cutting down drink to wine at home before bed) - what with today's situation it should be quite an exciting/angry/violent/edgy kinda week...

2006-08-03T17:40:00.000+01:00

Long time, no blogging...

I spent last weekend in Wales for a friends wedding, it was beautiful - the place & I suppose the wedding too, though I'm a little vitriolic about such affairs nowadays.

ProtoPlay Photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/64758082@N00/

Nice Anim:
http://blissful.leftchannel.com/

Live eviL

I've found Eve - or at least "the real" Eve, Brady has warned me of the Lilith likeness (only beautiful; so depends on your interpretation) though I was rather nervous and not my usual charming self, still, got to kiss her gorgeous neck though, before running away drunk...

2006-07-26T16:42:00.000+01:00

Its so hot! reference The Surface of the Sun...

Met Nadege again last night, looking stunning in a silk dress - I have to actually get around to scanning the photos from Protoplay so I can mail her; that came out wrong, I mean then mail her, ow! all confused :)

I'm getting really wound up by work this afternoon, hours wading through crap code trying to do something which was easy 2 months ago - now its impossible, rewritten in a close to obsfucated fashion, fucking programmers, why can't they just do their jobs?

Calm now, honest, nearly resorted to going out for a cigarette - managed to resist. They don't really help anyway, especially if one's only smoking in the evenings in which case nausea is the only noticeable effect...

2006-07-24T11:01:00.000+01:00

Now half recovered from Saturday, though I woke up coughing up nasty chesty crap several times in the night - literally getting it out of my system.

Now, for lunch - Pub or Beach?

2006-07-23T15:52:00.000+01:00

Ra! Update - found my coat, downstairs in the hall where I must've decided it was a good time to start stripping, I hope I didn't stumble around outside my neighbours flat for *too* long before realising I wasn't actually home yet. Still no cane though - I'd like to say some very politically incorrect things concerning the type of person who is most likely to have picked it up - but maybe this isn't the place.

Having some difficulty coding, though I think it's probably the problem I'm working on rather than the toxin residue in my system that's getting in the way.

WaHey! What a great night :)

2006-07-23T12:37:00.000+01:00

Had a very good Burlesque night at the crappy Charles Street - in fact I think it's quite good there now so it must've been pretty amazing, spent too much on bowler hat, tails and a cane then lost the cane later at the Candy bar. Got off in drunken haze with a girl called Eve - always a bad idea having anything to do with girls called Eve, way too biblical. Think that had something to do with the cane.

Supposed to be in work but I didn't wake up till midday - and not feeling particularly with it now.

I seem to have misplaced my coat too - these drunken binges are a wholly bad thing - but I have everything from it's pockets so it's probably around here somewhere : )

2006-07-21T08:33:00.000+01:00

The screening was great - makes me feel like I actually still have a chance of escaping the games industry with a decent career. We Drank champagne and lived it up for an evening, wonderful. I got more than enough calls from work - and texts, because they were all freaking out (management that is) but even that didn't penetrate my happiness; and yesterday I fixed stuff and everyone seems happy. (by which I mean *explained* stuff, I despair of them sometimes - holding wrist to forehead and sighing dramatically)

Feel rough now though, smoking too much and drinking more than I ought. Need a holiday.

2006-07-18T15:37:00.000+01:00

That was a brill lunchtime - went down to the beach and sun bathed, its ~34 degrees today, yum : )

5 of the others swam 1/4 mile out to the marker Buoys, I wasn't up to swimming today, but if it stays like this I will be. It seems quite disproportionate how much the sun (and hordes of beautiful semi naked women covered in sun cream) can cheer one up...

Work is a pain atm, but then again it's not really *that* bad, just very stressy and annoying. Off to London tomorrow to see our little movie on the big screen; I'm pretty sure my producer doesn't realise I have it booked off, but there's not much he can do - especially as he keeps having much more important days off and dumps all the trouble and work in our laps, usually by email. So Fuck That ; )

2006-07-17T13:44:00.000+01:00

Had a lovely weekend away, a gothy Friday night and a hectic Saturday (mother's 60th) in the country - a great party :)

Only problem is coming back here to the usual work/life depression, my brother mentioned to mother about the possibility of a divorce and I got a whole loada advise I didn't need/want from him which has left me feeling much worse than I really should. I had mother telling me how much she was looking forward to seeing Tammie, and how I ought to get it together and get her pregnant; not the best choice of conversation at 540am when we were all too pissed to walk, or ever in fact.

Ah well, at least she cares - wish I felt I could tell her; but I don't.

Plus Dahlia and Gavin parading little Oskar about like a Chinese Emperor to be, dammit.

Took some (hopefully) good IR B&W photos of Dahlia and the depths of the garden & orchard, gotta get around to taking my little pile of films outta the fridge and finding a good place to get them processed...

2006-07-14T03:17:00.000+01:00

I'm on the edge of being a right fucking cunt - more so.

FUCK YOU ALL

FUCK YOU ALL

FUCK YOU ALL

All fucking night thinking about this and FUCK YOU ALL.

truly sorry about the lack of qualification but there is no excuse for my behaviour - so fuck off, there are a few people out there who read this who I do look up to; but generally There's Nothing.

(13:10 the next day: Too much free wine, silly industry parties, I always get totally hammered. No idea who I talked to. Just remember lots of white leather and mirrors...)

2006-07-12T11:36:00.000+01:00

Got no energy today, had a good idea for an interesting blog this morning - but can't be arsed to try'n'remember it now, too contrived anyway. Come to the conclusion I need a change of scenery, new job, new friends, new drugs.

The main problems with that are:

I like my job - even though its the bane of my life
I like my friends - though they are often fleeting especially if female
I like my drugs - beer in fact.

Maybe I need some closer female company... maybe not.

Off to get some sun.

2006-07-10T21:41:00.000+01:00

Our little movie "Granny Turismo" has two London screenings next week

Wayhey!!

01 zero-one
Main venue and delegate centre
Hopkins Street

Friday 21st July

and

Odeon Cinema
Covent Garden
Screenings and awards ceremony
Shaftesbury Avenue

Wednesday 19th July

Coolio :)

2006-07-10T12:34:00.000+01:00

This is silly - I'm still ill, what's going on? I've been very well behaved, well pretty goodish anyway, got lots of sleep (finally finished Quicksilver; very good indeed) yet I still have aching joints - worse in fact, and a blocked up head. It probably didn't help coming into work Saturday & Sunday.

I need to get better - it's B-Movie on Friday then up to Lincolnshire for my mum's (sorry, Mother's) 60th Birthday Party - which should be a big event, hopefully with lots of wine, wenching, merriment and mirth! I may drag a few people up there to enjoy the festivities.

The only problem is she's insisting it's another bloody Purple/Pink party - last time I got a slightly miffed reception when I turned up in black, with a small entourage of other black clad figures. I had the excuse that no one had told us, so this time it's written on the front of the invite.

Might wear black anyway, the only pink things I own are a pair of fluro tights and a tiny skinny fit armless Marilyn Monroe tee shirt; which I don't think would be wholly appropriate...

2006-07-08T16:47:00.000+01:00

Feeling sick - think my body is rebelling. Nearly done for today (work wise) off for a BBQ, feel more like a week away to recover properly but there's not much chance of that. So, food and co-worker company it is then.

I have a feeling some others might feel like a taking a break from my company too, but it's hard to tell - maybe just paranoia. Or is that just my paranoia that everything can't be as simple as it appears, oh what a confusing day.

2006-07-08T13:07:00.000+01:00

Having just poured out a huge lump of worry, stress and sadness somewhere else I can now write a nice bouncy, happy non-goth, popkid neon pile of sweet scented candy coated collapsible chrome childlike happiness.

Well, I could - if I was in Oxford where I'm supposed to be rather than sat in work with another stupid deadline to meet. So, like fuck with candy, where's my fucking life gone?

Bought more Dresden Dolls earlier to cheer myself up - think I need it.

2006-07-06T11:00:00.000+01:00

Ill and working, what a stupid idea this was. Since when did this shitty industry have the power to make us work when ill? Let alone so much free overtime? Hate it all.

Fucking snot filled head.

Talk to the arse MotherFucker...

2006-07-05T11:06:00.000+01:00

A short Ill Blog for today...

I had to take the radical decision to take today off sick - not something I'd ever do if I can help it but I'm in no fit state to go into the office, snot, sneezing, exhausted and entrenched in the flat. I took a short walk to buy food and Lemsips, even that drained me - I was panting for what seemed an inordinate length of time when I got back but the crappy Lemsip and punnet of cherries I brought back are definitely helping. ("punnet" of cherries?)

Last night Ben took me to see Jerry Springer the Opera, even though I didn't feel up to it and coughed, wheezed and sneezed my way through it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience, no where near as shocking as I was led to believe - particularly by the tract wielding Christians protesting outside the Dome Theatre. Very funny, and I can recommend it to anyone; if you're offended by it then I probably don't want to know you : )

I have the strange tale of Alan Jacques visit to tell, but that's going to have to wait; used all my energy typing this...

2006-07-03T14:41:00.000+01:00

Today I'm feeling ill, my voice is screwed, throat sore, generally feeling under the weather, unwanted and crap. My only consolation is a bag of Ben's Cookies.

Alan, one of my friends from back in the UbiSoft days in Oxford, is coming to stay today, he's got an interview here tomorrow and planning to spend the rest of the week checking out accommodation ready for the start of his Uni course in about four months. This is the reason for all the tidying - the flat looks half presentable (as well as half decorated) now, hopefully it doesn't look like a smeg hole to Alan; I am trying not to conform to the Sad Single Male Messy Fuck niche - I'm succeeding on a Level, but which Level? The Level of complete failure or partial success?

I got a coupla nice photos from the Deconstruction/Reconstruction last evenings proceedings, I'll post them here when I get around to scanning them in. I've seen a couple of the participants around - but avoided making a tit of myself by accosting them with praise, doesn't seem right somehow.

Went to see Polysics last night, fantastic Japanese Punk Band - *so* cool : )

2006-07-01T09:22:00.000+01:00

A morning of tidying ahead, cleaning the pit I reside in,trying to make it presentable. I might even buy a nice big rug to cover the winestained carpet & dye the futon cover black; gotta recover whatever rare threads of home-pride I have left.

Then the dreaded Ex's housewarming, I've decided I should go so that's that, it's not exactly meshing with the screams of torment from large lumps of subconsciously active grey matter though. What fun. Ela's Jazz outfit are playing tonight which might provide the escape I need. Probably not though.

Been writing lovely dark metaphoric prose, haven't quite got the hang of keeping to C18 English - though I can do the spelling well enough : )

2006-06-29T08:58:00.000+01:00

This morning I'm suffering slightly from the dynamic dual - tiredness and regret, tiredness is easy sitting here at my desk in the sun about to dive into the world of code accompanied by some tunes and plenty of caffeine & sugar based products, the regret is a complete git though. Its firmly based in the past and has slowly overtaken me, a little like Monty Python's Sir Lancelot charging away in the distance, then Bam! suddenly everything's broken. Could be worse though. I get reminded of that every morning; I walk through an exhibit of photography from the tsunami on my way in, this morning a picture of volunteers covering a large shelter filled with body bags in dry ice. Quite sobering, especially when I'm being all self indulgent and missing various peoples company (which is another long black root to my regret.) - all those lumpy green bags.

Enough of that,

Top of the mornin' to ya!

2006-06-28T12:43:00.000+01:00

Ra, Cough. I've changed my name to Mary.

(not really)

2006-06-26T21:53:00.000+01:00

Hello whoever from a strangely random Gabs, I have so much to tell yet am incapable of even making a start. It's a long sordid tale of happy, delinquent behaviour; 20 guys self destructive good bye to their friends bachelor status...

God I'm fucked; yet somehow feeling rather pleasantly myself.

2006-06-22T11:48:00.000+01:00

Holiday tomorrow! Wayhey!!! (well, between 9 and 12 hours travelling to Cornwall, Jas's stag do, then 9 - 12 hours travelling back...)

Feel a little guilty today, my brother called yesterday lunchtime to tell me it was his & his students final show - and did I want to go along? Obviously I wanted to, depending on when I could get out of work to travel up to Docklands and meet him. Then lunchtime I popped into the basement of the Argus Lofts to see protoPlay's exhibit/installation/communal fun thing and met Amy wandering around looking very striking with her loud haler and SLR. The atmosphere was somewhere between Art School and a post apocalyptic Horror/Zombie movie, most lovely - talked to a friendly (and very attractive) young artist down there about the oddness of the affair, all locked into a basement for several days making and performing "art" - she seemed to be enjoying it immensly. Amy mentioned the "performance" which they were preparing for and I said I'd come if I failed to make it to the UEL final show... then I came back here and mused about what a crap life I have here, I could be being creative and enjoying myself. darnit.

The guilt comes from being stuck at work till 8pm, hence missing both, sad times.

2006-06-19T22:12:00.000+01:00

A good Sunday, the SS lot were excellent - works fucked, but then again it always is; which kinda infers it's fine.

Spent this evening drunk with Connell and Rich, very relaxing - thought I heard someone calling me which was a bit odd, not sure why. Mentioned (a small) part of what's been pissing me off recently to Rich and got a bit of a (fucking huge) reality check, so that's the end of that. shame : (

I'm now at home enjoying a pint of cold, evil larger and contemplating.... bed.

Feel a little dispossessed, not to mention - ow bugger, not talking about it here.

Wish I didn't *like* people so much, it would be much easier if I could just hate them all.

(still not a Goth though : )

2006-06-18T10:49:00.000+01:00

Caught between my craving for nicotine and the need to do some exercise, I have resisted the evil weed only for an hour and feel lousy...

Filming was good yesterday, Dave had found a good deserted pebbly beach - perfect location, we were there about three hours and I'm quite sunburnt - slept from 7ish yesterday afternoon till 10 this morning, so I presume I was a little bit sun-stroked, it felt like the bed sheet had bonded with the skin on my back...

It was lots of fun & I think the final short is going to be very amusing. Dave's Texan Lass left halfway through though, I don't think she realised how boring filming really is, especially if you're not prepared to take advantage of what amusements available - i.e. beer, cigarettes and a beautiful secluded sunny beach.

Now I have to go to work, darn stupid way to spend my Sunday. I have a plan though - get there at 12, lunch at 3 (possibly at the Victory) drag the others to the pub around 6-630 then traipse down to The Joogleberry Playhouse for Jam's odd musical medley about 8. That should be just about bearable, I have Friday off to travel to Cornwall for Jason's stag party, so it's a short week anyway; well if you don't count today...

2006-06-17T07:44:00.000+01:00

Saturday, and I'm feeling a little rough - *not* hungover though, just sleep deprived and maybe little too much gin and too much Japanese horror last night which has made everything a bit surreal.

Off to meet Dave for the last shoot on his strange sock movie, it should be lots'a'fun if I can stay awake, got an hour to get ready and into town (stifles a yawn...)

Must go get myself together, I just fancy going back to bed; especially as I have to go to work tomorrow (boo, hiss) SS don't know how lucky they are, they had to work lunch yesterday and got out by 6pm, moaning buggers, everyone else does unpaid overtime by default and works weekends. Probably get paid more than any of them though :)

2006-06-16T00:39:00.000+01:00

Hair dye, clippers, more paint...

Got a rather shocking text this morning from Andrew, he had a Sony Induction evening yesterday. The text was to say he's in hospital with a smashed ankle - those Sony things can obviously be allot more dangerous than you'd think. Says he's wrapped in the warm wool of morphine awaiting an operation, at least three days in hospital in Nuneaton. Poor old Drews.

2006-06-15T22:53:00.000+01:00

Argh, paint, paint. Borrowed The God of Cookery (or sholin chef as I previously knew it) but waited around for Tammie and Ben to answer/come round; which they haven't, so I'm painting again instead. Walls are looking whiter, as are large parts of me due to my rather messy painting style...

It's fun, bit drunker than necessary, but loud Dresden Dolls, paint, crappy Stella & even crappier light cigarettes are adding up to an interesting evening. Wish I (still) had a Piano.

2006-06-14T07:49:00.000+01:00

WooHoo! got the happiness bug, that twenty minute odd bright patch where you suddenly realise that nothing matters - Yay! I think this particular sensation was possibly brought about by a night of twisted, fucked up dreams which are still there "in the background" churning up my subconscious; what an odd feeling. I just repotted my aubergine, it has its first flower - I was going to post a pic but my camera has just decided it's not in the mood to talk to this machine - typical.

Supposedly going to see Tammie and Ben for dinner tonight, still in two minds though, wanna see Ben (and I wanna see Tammie) but Tammie does my head in, now if it was dinner with Ben and... name removed to protect the innocent :) then I'd be deciding which small shiny chocolate something to buy from the strange import traders on the lanes and which were my sexiest trousers , ah - the laughter bug has me now!

2006-06-12T11:50:00.000+01:00

God I'm *so* tired today, drank some Guinness and a few pints of Stella last night - had a good 6 hours sleep so I ought to be ok, argh. SteveyJ came over and we had lots of fun on the beach and at the BBQ (which we moved up to Jon's terrace to avoid smoking out people on the beach) it was good to see him. I need sleep...

Contemplating smoking a ciggy, feel quite strung out...

2006-06-11T00:20:00.000+01:00

Had a nice evening, a whole day putting that last blog entry to music (well, a coupla hours, not sure where the rest of the day went...) then met Amy (face to face, yay!) and Essex Boy. Drank "too much" (> 2 pints) beer, ended up jumping in a taxi with her to hear the end of a story which was maybe a bit of a leap socially - but the story was good, don't know where all my manners have gone; or maybe I'm just acting normally for a change.

Nostalgia time:

I miss being in "real" bands...

2006-06-10T00:40:00.000+01:00

It's hotter than the surface of the sun tonight, more heated than a flame war betwixt the tongues of an infinite number of dead nuns and their burning disappointment as they face the non existence of the one sex idol they spent their torrid years worshiping day and night in throws of metaphysical passion their days founded on the fuming nights to follow as they foam with gentle action and slow sodamistic reaction, door handles melting under the body of their faith, spoons from their beloved carpenter, spanking and the odd flirt with a homosexual vicar - missing the ultimate; a good fuck
with God.

To cut a long story short I'm painting, sunburnt as a perfectly cooked lobster but twice as tasty, fourteen times as big, possessing and still able to make use of my opposable thumbs, covered in tiny flecks of white supermatt emulsion - a Snow Globe figure wandering the lone expanses of his domain, finally, once more, under the spell of French Red, his monoplastic ID soaking deep into it's self possessed miasma of morbid mocking mimicry.

It's one am and I'm in the throws of not-passion, that perfect state induced by an unaccustomed quantity of intoxicating liquor, paint fumes, the only ventilation that of yet one more stale lungful of moisture laden air, one more cloud of menthol cigarette smoke, prepared to paint until I can paint no more, a young woman's comment has set me off on a dazed quest to find yet one more me, one more intrinsically flawed version of my ever stumbling ego, paint it all white lobster boy - not least because it's currently a deep peach-pink which my burnt skin matches so closely that I cease to exist when standing too close to the wall.

2006-06-09T17:54:00.000+01:00

So, did Heliotrope blush? that's the question of the moment - don't think I'm going to get an answer though :)

Ah, the end of another work day. Time for a quiet shandy on the beach, I may actually eat something tonight, realised earlier that I haven't eaten a "proper" evening meal for a week; that's shandy for you, too full of bubbles by the time I get home. I don't think I've ever been this "low alcohol" - at least since I went to Art College (ie about 17 years).

2006-06-09T10:19:00.000+01:00

Just came into work via a 40 minute walk down the beach in the sun (looking chavy with my shirt off :) then 25 minutes dozing on Brighthelm park before walking up here to work, Idyllic.

All I need now is a fried breakfast and a few hours sleep. My flat was boiling this morning, had that sorta gross yet "cleansing" super sweatiness while doing my regime of weights and yoga - somehow very satisfying, and a long bath to follow. mmmm, sun and a light breeze though my window...

2006-06-08T15:28:00.000+01:00

Beach at lunch, shirtless, shoeless & sockless, dozed for an hour while Graham, Ste & Terry built piles of pebbles then had a strange competition to fill my shoes with them; pebbletastic. Now nicely sunned, yay!

May go back down after work and continue to sun myself - or go home and paint a wall. mmm. tough one.

2006-06-08T12:21:00.000+01:00

I propose a toast to the weather! and a BBQ near the West Pier on Saturday, about 3.30?

Argh, smoking too much - it's a "good" excuse to get out of the office and sun myself outside the 3JB's for a few minutes...