Saturday, April 15, 2006

Just finished recording a rough edit of "A song for Miss x" - very ponsey & acoustic, I'm counting down to when I can put it on line - ~120 days left...

I actually started recoding the tune for Bird, but somehow ended up singing & playing the wrong song, been quite distracted recently what with weather, hormones and women. Oh, and booze.

Tammie called earlier in a state after reading the last post - (Sorry Tam, its not meant that way atall) The old Tammie upstaging my depression by crying at me thing which I always seem to fall for and end up trying to cheer her up. Some problem there with the directional flow of comfort and sympathy. She ought to really be getting that attention from her (bloody) boyfriend, not me.

Had some really good news (for somebody else) yesterday, well Thursday night after the cinema. Tammie did that thing women do, the obviously thoughtful and upset but saying "I'm fine" repeatedly rather than talking about it - I told she should get whatever it is out, after all its not like we're married anymore so its not like you can really upset me. Unfortunately I was wrong, and she upset me lots - amazing how just a few words from the right person can turn everything upside down. now I feel the last 10 years of my life were not just a waste of time but a joke aswell.

Anyway, could be worse.

Was supposed to be recording my latest silly tunes yesterday for bird and little miss x but I'm smoking again (as of Thursday night) and drank enough to sink Wales so all the words sounded and felt wrong. I felt on the edge of one of those headstates which is scary, so singing about how much I like someone, or how amusing someone's blog is just didn't seem like a good idea. (hey, it used to be about how much I like someone and terrible, tired political songs so I've improved somewhat...)

Who wants to be happy anyway? and after all people who know me all seem to think I'm a goth (?) so I'm supposed to be like this.

One of the things which has made this bearable is reading other peoples problems in their Blogs - so thankyou everyone else for having a terrible, sad, depressing life like me...

Friday, April 14, 2006

wanna write, but too upset. ra, fucking shite.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Ahha! 12:02 and I'm sober - even ran home from the station, getting all the tar - well a bit of it, out of my lungs. Fiona Apple was (and her band were) great; soft jazzy to hard spiky, all beautifully rendered - thanks for the ticket Tammie :) plus she's incredibly sexy & good at mashing the piano, ahhh...

I was taking the piss outta Tam on the train on the way back as she'd called me fickle before the gig when I explained some of my recent loves and infatuations. She explained some of the plot of "Written on the Body" by Jeanette Winterson and I asked her if she was "into pulpy lesbian trash nowadays?". Just being silly obviously and a (gorgeous) woman on the seats opposite exclaimed "its a beautiful book! not trash!", well I wasn't being entirely serious - I really like pulpy lesbian trash. And she was attractive in the extreme, so I suppose I have to take her seriously.

So, sorry it's not Pulpy, or trash, though I read the first 20 pages and it is most definitely "Lesbian".

Wow, time fly's - have to be up at 6...

Amendum: Blogger died, got up at 6 - now feeling rough, need to work out & get my yoga over and done for the day - but I hurt...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Well that was an angry post - no recollection of writing it whatsoever. Ought to stop drinking, my friend Jas has just suffered a similar blow to bird and my back has been aching in that "oh, fuck, bruised my kidneys again..." way for over a week (of solid drinking).

Started smoking again - well sort of, Mr Nik was visiting at the weekend and what with consoling Jon (who's been dumped) and going out with Nik, plus missing a party I was rather looking forward to I found myself puffing away; dam voice is croaky now and I can't hit anything above C above middle, argh. This is annoying as I've got permission to record Bird's song and put it up here (when she's heard it) something I wasn't expecting to happen.

(The other song, *that* one, is still on hold - probably for around 3 months unless certain things come into the domain of public knowledge, probably even then.)

Ow, bugger. I hurt in mind body and what passes for a heart :\

But, on the other hand Tammie is taking me to see Fiona Apple at the Victoria Apollo this evening which should be very pleasant; and probably involve alcohol.
k, I give up. love to try harder but I couldn't give a

&such stuff. dam this falling for people who I'd obviously much rather have as friends - its a shite way to spend yer time. Ra! and buggery fuck.

Now one must gotobed, not drink any more, not pontificate more, Grrrrr.

Anyway, I'm pissed off, so bollocks.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Blog-tastic, a weekend of oddness - expelled my frustrations over Miss x with a cute little sexy-comic song on Friday, then spent much time practising it to keep that frustration at arms length; now I'm at work and its back with a vengeance. Dammit, this blog is just a long string of romantic encounters separated by periods of inebriation. Just like life. But, that gothy shite aside, I now have me a little situation...

Due to "political reasons" I can't put a recording of said song up here; which is a terrible, terrible shame as I am very proud of it - after all these years of writing songs I have hit an all time low of lyrical correctness and its rather fabulous... maybe in a few months...