Friday, August 26, 2005

God I'm having a terrible time. Was supposed to be going to see the suicide girls last night, relax and not think about d.i.v.o.r.c.e. and w.o.r.k.

Instead I listened to Tammie, as always and went to meet her and a few old friends at "The Diggers". At the start (~1030pm) it was great, the taxi dropped me off in a car park and the driver told me to "follow the tarmac" because he couldn't go any further.

So I walked into the woods and found myself in the "self builds" a village tucked away in central Brighton which I've never heard of entirely composed of really beautiful wooden houses all built by the owners.

It was pretty freaky, very happy, very "the good life". I mentioned something to do with having separated with Tammie not realising she hadn't said anything and things got quite "animated".

Our old friend K. started to get very wound up by a certain gay friend A. - got hysterical, he got hysterical (cause he'll be homeless in a few days) everything "blew up".

I had to try to calm them down; it should've been me wailing about how F**ked my life is, but I wasn't even given a chance to do that. Bastards.

As A. screamed at me about what a c**t I was, that being the reason in his eyes for Tammie wanting to leave me, I had Tammie "standing up for me" telling him what an emotional wreck I was because she'd left me, and that he shouldn't pick on me in that state - I was F**king fine.

Should've gone to watch the Burlesque show. Dammit.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Its cold and wet, suits my shitty mood. Course, its a bit crap when you walk to the pub in a teeshirt for a pub lunch and a pint to try'n'overcome a massive pit of depression due to women and work, having been caught out by the apparent warmth and dryness of the weather that morning - but I suppose thats a pretty good metaphor for my whole situation...

Well Happy Day.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Ah the wonderous after effects of Alcoholic Beverage Intake. I long for beer, the heat in here is damp and more than a little gross - cold beer would be a start, followed by an early night. So tired I've fallen to sleep at my desk several times already today, not sleeping or eating properly and starting to feel it.

(not to mention all that tar& nicotene, yuk.)
Hey Hey! I'm still alive! and everything's not all that terrible, could be worse - could be dead, which arguably wouldn't necessarily be much worse when I'm down.

Abused Tammie's guilt over leaving me last night by getting her to play the stripper in... The Stripper, which is very cool and exciting. the shoot went very well, even with a bottle of gin between us and I can't wait to start editing and get on with the second shoot and soundtrack.

That staves off the depression a bit, always good to have a creative/destructive project when you're in this state. That and Fags&Beer!